When you struggle to find your silver lining

My PM is always teasing me as a common phrase of mine is 'well there is a silver lining...' followed by a positive to be found from the the negative situation. I can't say I am always a 'my pint is half full' type of person but I do try to see the good in all situations as it is far to easy to become blue about things in everyday life like the time PM had a slight knock in his car and it had to go to the garage to be made beautiful again. As he stomped through the door, muttering and feeling very cross that his lovely car had a dink in it he demanded to know 'where's the silver lining in that?' While trying to soothe the metophorically bruised male I suggested that the silver lining was that it would be a good practise to see how we managed as a one car family before we actually had too (since I decided to give up work to look after out little man full time November is our D-day when we become a one car family). Needless to say it did very little to sooth the brow and I feel lucky that I got away with just a scowl! Other occasons have usually brought a smile to his face and occasionally when I have been really tested we have often ended up in tears from laughter! Now a dent in a mans pride and joy, his car, is a bit of a challenge and tough moment for any man who loves his motor but occasionally some events in life happen that really are genuinely difficult. After the excitment of finding out I was pregnant, I went into planning overdrive. I know it was rather soon to be discussing possible names and planning ideas for the bedroom but I wanted to make the most of it and enjoy every moment. So while on a sailing holiday to London, 10 weeks pregnant, I had a miscarriage. I was, naturally, devestated. All those hopes and dreams of a new life and addition to our family... gone. And there is nothing you can do to stop it. It is one of lifes mysteries to us mums to be and to the medical profession. So many pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first 12 weeks but it doesn't make it any easier. So there we were, in holiday in London having to get on with life when PM turns to ask me, 'so where is the silver lining in this'? Now I had by this time shed quite a few tears but this was a question that really challenged me. It was asked not in any ironical way, he was genuine in trying to understand the heart ache and feeling of loss and how, for once, was there any good from it? I did smile, rather weak and watery, but smile it was, and paused for thought. For once it was not a case of coming up with a quick and quirky response but I needed time to see if there really was a silver lining. So what was the positive from this? I was very lucky in the care that we were shown at St Thomas's hospital and I was grateful that as this was to happen it happened at 10 weeks and not 20 weeks. But most of all, we had our little man, if ever there was a reason to be happy he was it and for him a smile is shown, a deep and hearty laugh heard out loud, a hug felt and life goes on. Not the brightest of linings but one of the sincerest.

When you think there are no surprises left...

So there you are, pottering along with life thinking that, at last, life has settled down again. You have just had that milestone 1st birthday party for the little man (and what a party... thanks to the heat wave we had a gazebo in the garden and the party became a pool and bubble party, a bit Ibiza but for babies!!!) and you're marvelling that you managed to get the baby safely to his first year and amazed that, yes, you are starting to feel human, adult and vaguely back in the real world. You lay there one night reflecting on how busy, different and good life is and feeling at one with the world, hoping that this 'moment' will go on forever as it is all just so good. But deep down in the recesses of the sub conscience there is a niggle, a doubt, a question, but what? As I drifted off to sleep with the clearest of clarity a thought hit me like a bolt. I had been so busy that I hadn't noticed that 'that time of the month' hadn't been and gone! A few calculations and the results came up that, yup, I was definitely over due. That meant an urgent trip to the shops the next day to buy a test. One 10 second pee session later and a three minute pace, for the first time in a very very long time I found I struggled to breath. The test showed positive, I was pregnant! After sitting down a moment to regain my equilibrium it was time to break the news to PM. I found him downstairs being a fabulous 'new man' busy washing up. I tapped him on the shoulder and showed him the test. There are many possible reactions I could of expected but from an adult male who has already fathered one son the last response I expected was 'how did that happen?'. I did offer to explain the very basic outline details but he hastened to reassure me that was not quite what he meant and we just stood there gapping at each other doing a very good impression of a couple of blonde goldfish. This then begged the question, what now? Well I have to confess that we discussed the 'situation' and after a day or two I was delighted and so so excited. I had thought my life was settled then along came the biggest, most unexpected surprise of all! All I have to do is keep busy with the little man and wait until I am twelve weeks and then I can tell people... I just can't wait! Watch this space.....